Wow, writing this blog was definitely a process for me mentally. I was going back and forth battling with the idea of whether or not this will be seen as appropriate. Will I be judged? Will people automatically assume that I’m out here “busting it wide open” because I have an opinion? lol... but no seriously, I was scared of what people would say and whether or not they would question my relationship with Christ because of what I planned to write. After much thinking, I realized that these intrusive thoughts were confirmation and the exact reason why I needed to write this.
Most recently on social media, the topic that has been circulating was/is the sexual liberation of women & the condemnation that comes from men in response to this concept. Men and Church folk were up in arms and writing sermons in tweets and the comment section & holier than thou Christian women casted their side eyes and tilted their nose up. The song WAP by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion was vulgar for some and for others it was refreshing, fun and aesthetically pleasing (I was among that group). The song was about two women openly talking about consensual sex, what they like, what they expect and the standards they have for men such as good credit and a “deep stroke.” These are both things that I personally believe most men should be aiming towards anyway, financial stability and learning to please their partner(s). People should have standards and there is no doubt that everything one requires, one should also be able to bring to the table.
I grew up in a traditional Seventh-Day Adventist household. Sex was a taboo & not a topic that made way for discussion. I was always lectured on the negative repercussions of having sex, such as getting pregnant or developing an STI. The sentiments were the same in church but more fear based. They ultimately led me to believe I would be seen as blemished, less than, and impure when it later came to finding a mate. I also observed that this message of purity was not being preached with the same intensity to my male counterparts. For them, they were taught to choose a woman that is modest or wholesome. However, overtime society has shown us that a man will marry whomever his heart desires regardless of her sexual history. It’s doctrines like these that often push the youth out of the church because they feel as though they are too impure, unworthy of love. They begin to live in constant fear of being judged and an overwhelming sense of guilt. Ironically, a lot of the people doing the judging were the same ones that were indulging in sex and expecting on their wedding day but thought the church didn’t know because they weren’t showing yet. (Re: Hypocrisy).
I used to be that way, I was fed the false narrative that somehow my “virginity” was a present to be given away on my wedding day, that it made me better, that I was set apart. In reality, Jesus died for me just like he did for the girl or boy down the street that was getting it in. Our self-worth should not be attached to whether or not we’ve had sex before marriage... but solely in Christ’s unchanging love for us. Sex was not only created for the sake of procreation, but for enjoyment as well, not to mention our brains and bodies have mechanisms exclusively for pleasure. I do acknowledge that God desires sex in the confines of marriage but I reject the idea that you are forever tarnished if you do not achieve this, in addition, not everyone wants to or will get married. There’s an entire book in the bible that speaks beautifully and candidly on pleasure. Songs of Solomon, [grab a snack and get comfortable] Chapter 7:7-10 says “You are tall and slim like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of dates. I will climb up into the palm tree and take hold of its branches. Now may your breasts be like grape clusters, the scent of your breath like apples, and your kisses as exciting as the best of wine, smooth and sweet, causing the lips of those who are asleep to speak. I am my beloved’s and I am the one he desires.” Yes, reading that was a bit cringey but you get the picture. Sex was good and is still good and will only get better as we evolve. It’s a skill & a science that deserves to be studied and explored. My heart breaks for the women who have died without experiencing an orgasm for the sake of upholding religious & societal standards. I refuse to be a part of that ministry. I have held out for far too long to not experience the goodness of the Lord!!
We are conditioned in direct and unconscious ways to believe that women exist purely for the pleasure & enjoyment of men, however, when we expect the same from men... there’s an uproar. Learning to have open and comfortable dialogue about sex is healthy not just for women but for her partner(s) as well. We should put more emphasis on safe sex and seeking wholesome, healthy and safe partnership rather than shoving purity culture down the throats of young women. And no.. promoting safe sex does not promote promiscuity.
I am uncertain as to why men are upset about a song that excites women and puts them in the mood to do the very things they require. For generations we have seen men talk about women objectively in their music and no one said a thing. We must break that patriarchal thought process. It’s toxic. The idea that this song is promoting prostitution and promiscuity is false. Megan even gave us some free game in this song... my favorite line actually... “You really ain't never gotta f*** him for a thang. He already made his mind up 'fore he came.” Here she lets you know that you don’t have to have sex with a man to get anything from him, if he wants to do something or give you anything he will do it willingly. And, he more than likely already decided that before you even got involved with him sexually. His actions will definitely show it.
Anyway, I just want our men to keep the same energy that they have for this song when it comes to protecting women. When Megan was shot, she was dragged and ridiculed on all platforms.The killers of Breonna Taylor are still free and a black man who is the attorney general (Daniel Cameron) of Louisville, Kentucky has only made efforts to protect her murders.(Jonathan Mattingly, Brett Hankison, and Myles Cosgrove)
Be blessed saints…
It is ok to not like the song or agree with the lyrics but this does allow for some great discussions surrounding the root of sexual liberation among women.
And remember you can still love God and be sexually liberated, they are not mutually exclusive.
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Editors/Contributors: Sevon T. ( @mahoganysol) and Ashleigh N. ( @_rastagyalash)
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