Has there ever been a time in your life where you questioned your purpose, your path? Have you ever allowed a moment or a roadblock to question God’s plan for you? Have you ever felt as though your dreams were unattainable?
If yes, then you aren’t alone.
Those questions were a mere reflection of the internal battle I was having this week.
In our western world the idea is to always present yourself as strong, confident, and happy at all times. Though we are resilient, there are moments or sometimes seasons where we feel vulnerable or even defeated.
I’ve spent the last several weeks preparing for an exam that would prove to be integral for my transition during this season of my life. I went into isolation; as they say, “starve your distractions and feed your focus” and that’s exactly what I did. For me, that meant limited conversations unless urgent. It meant telling my mother I would talk to her after my exam, until then just pray for me. It meant not working for a week. It even meant having to remind myself to take time out to eat as well.
The morning of my exam (the MCAT) I woke up at 3am overwhelmed with feelings of both anxiety and excitement. I was honestly just ready to get it over with. It had been a long time coming and I just knew I was ready to go to war. I even picked out undergarments to wear that would be as comfortable as possible. I scheduled an uber with ample time in the event of any unforeseen issues that may arise. It’s the flight attendant in me to be prepared at all times for any situation. However, I couldn’t have foreseen being trapped in an uber for 3 hours and 48 minutes due to a car accident. We were on a highway/bridge so there was nowhere for us to go. I broke down to the point where my Uber driver began to get extremely concerned and was trying to find any possible way to console me. I just couldn’t believe this was happening. I had prayed. I had prepared. I did my part. I even listened to a sermon before I left. So why me Lord? I felt defeated. I was hurt and angry with God. Why would he place this dream inside of me if he knew this would happen? I did everything that I was supposed to do. The least God could have done was allow me to make it in time to take my exam right? But God is good anyhow.
It was in that moment that I cried out, my prayer was echoes of loud cries and endless tears. I knew He understood the agony of my soul. It was through this that God reminded me of his love, grace and sovereignty tangibly through my friends and family. I couldn’t hold myself together, even now I'm still trying to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. I am grateful for my community that held me up in prayer, through calls, texts, gifts and their ever so present listening ear. Sometimes we get so comfortable with the blessings that we forget that God never promised us a life without struggles or hardships.
My dear friend sent a text and told me to read the book of Job (now you know it’s not a story we just turn to every day). In fact, I avoid it. In my mind maybe if I don’t read about it, I won’t have to suffer as he did. (Lord I done seen the struggle, I don’t need to experience any more of it) Job had everything taken away from him, yet his faith in God never wavered. He had some serious questions for God, but he never left. He had some serious issues to take up with God, but he never walked away from God. There was something Job understood, that God is still worthy to be praised even in the midst of our trials. He is sovereign and somehow He is working it all out for our good. In the end, Job was blessed 10 fold for everything he lost and endured. God is good anyhow.
Another friend called and went through the entire story of Joseph with me. Joseph was given a vision at 17 that he would be placed in a high position. Nonetheless, he suffered; he was sold into slavery, after being thrown in a pit by his own brothers, he was lied on, thrown into prison and forgotten. Nonetheless, He was placed on the throne years later what is said to be the age of 30.. now you do the math. God is in control and His promises for us will become a reality, His word never comes back void.
Each time I spoke to someone they reminded me of who to look to, I'm thankful for friends who will allow you the space to mourn but will always bring you back to the word. My friend pointed out that just because God gave you a vision doesn’t mean that it will happen according to your timing and will. But rightfully in His time because He knows when we will be ready and He knows that this is just a part of the journey.. not just for what we intend as the final goal but most importantly to perfect our character ultimately for heaven. Now I don’t know what God Is doing and oftentimes it's uncomfortable but I do know that He has me in his hands and there is no place I would rather be. So I look forward to the day I’ll be Dr. Jhay because I know it’s coming. I know this is going to be an astounding testimony. Because God is good anyhow.
Thank you for being a part of this journey.. I pray that season 2 of journeyingwithjhay, will be filled with even more clarity, growth and breakthroughs… for all of us. This is for you, this is for us. Remember to subscribe and follow on instagram and twitter for daily updates.
He withholds no good thing from those who walk with integrity.
- Psalm 84:11
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
- Romans 8:28
Editor: Mark Reid
Editor/ Contributor: Sasha Diambois
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