Submission; adjective. Inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants. Marked by or indicating submission or a yielding to the authority of another: a submissive reply.
Most of the conversations we try to avoid are usually the ones that need to be had. Most recently Jeannie Mai made a statement regarding submission and allowing her fiance, Jeezy to take the lead. At first I wanted to avoid it but while doing my devotion, it came up.
Society places a negative outlook on being submissive. As a millennial, I consider myself to be liberal but I’ve also realized that in most instances I can be very conservative.
Growing up, I’ve been able to witness first hand the blueprint of some successful marriage or relationship. Some, the wife was more submissive, some were strictly partnership based, some the husband did most of the cleaning and cooking. However, what I did notice was that the foundation of their relationship was built on communication, openness and most importantly love. With that, no matter what route they chose, it worked for them. I say all of that to say... there is no right or wrong way to go about being submissive or having a successful partnership. What works for you and your significant other, may not work for everyone but the key is LOVE... and to choose love consistently.
Although, I am more on the traditional side when it comes to relationships, I very well lean more towards partnership (The same when it comes to being submissive). Submission is not a form of weakness but showing a different form of strength. There will be times in the relationship when both parties will have to compromise in some way.. being selfless, putting pride aside and ultimately doing what’s best for the family/household or the goal in which you have set together. In that.. there are times when you will have to toss the baton of leadership and submit to each other.
I have a type A personality so I’m used to taking the lead and going forward to get things done. However, I also know that every great leader knows how to serve, in doing so I often willingly take the service role to get said things done.. because it’s for the greater good and an example to those around me.
We have to learn how to have some level of compromise for every aspect of our various relationships whether it’s romantic, platonic or even work related. Believe it or not, all of those roles call for some level of submission. Placing someone else’s needs above of yours, being considerate.
Even though I predominantly take on leadership roles, I don’t want to come home and be the head of the house as well. But that will only come if I feel secure, safe, and most importantly trust that whomever I’m with.. got me,ya dig… and knowing that he won’t lead me astray or do anything to jeopardize the plan or household. Any good husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, partner you name it.. is going to consult with you on the decisions that need to be made anyway. I think this is what most people are looking for, they don’t even realize how natural it comes when under the right circumstances.
We don’t speak enough on the fact that some men are single for the simple fact that they don’t know how to be men; lead, provide, and cover and that’s just the minimum. It takes a certain level of maturity and perspective. Now ladies, you can’t be expecting this from a man and not giving him the opportunity to do this. Allow men to be men and don’t be afraid to give him some recognition. Gratitude goes a long way.
So you know.. I took my thoughts to IG to ask some other millennials.. ( Some are married, some single, some engaged, some dating) because I love a good discussion, I enjoy learning and hearing the differing opinions. I even asked my friends about their thoughts... so below you’ll find some of them..
“Submission to a man is what chivalry is to a woman. It’s not only expected, but is desired. Submissive acts that are expressed mutually, teaches all who are so bold as to indulge in it how to be selfless. As a woman I desire to be submissive to my partner, submitting to him allows for me to set a firm, loving and healthy foundation for my partner to lead our household. This act does not make me weak, but it makes me strong enough to allow my man to be and feel like a man.
So the next time your partner opens the passenger door of the car for you, lean over the armrest and open the driver's door for them.”
- Stephanie, 28
“My thoughts on submission are traditional and align with my thoughts on marriage, both are guided by The Word. "Submission" has such a negative connotation but the bible clearly states what it means to be submissive. The bible compares a husband and wife to Christ and the church. A man is to love his family as Christ loved the church. He is to lead the household and sacrifice for the betterment of his family while his wife lets him lead and submit. I am not a pastor, but in that context, to me it really means to trust that whatever your husband does is for the best interest of the family and to not be defiant. Modern-day women have power and independence and therefore may be even more repelled by that word, but submission does not equate slavery, inferiority or misogyny. Marriage is a union and I think that chapter in Ephesians simply outlines how to make the union work… ultimately, both parties must know, understand and trust one another, and most importantly, exude love, in order to truly embody the Christ/church relationship that a husband and wife must have.”
– Rodeline J, 29
“In my marriage submission has been completely connected to trust and vulnerability. My wife and I have been intentional about building a foundation of trust through consistent and open communication which breeds vulnerability. With those two principles at play in our marriage it has made submission almost second nature. It is easy to submit to someone who values as much/or more than you value yourself. Someone who loves you with a Christ-like love will never intentionally take advantage of your willful submission. Alternatively, they will seek to further validate why they are worthy of such commitment. Submission without mutual trust and vulnerability leads to manipulation or worse, a power struggle between the two individuals that ultimately leads to the destruction of the relationship. Submission is not a gender role issue. It's a bi-product of real love.”
- Anthony B, 29
“Submission is godly to me. I’m talking about submission in marriage, in a Godly marriage. Doing so enables the man that God chose for you to lead you both to your God given mission. According to Ephesians 5:22 submitting to your husband is compared to us submitting to the Lord. If you can’t see your husband as a God fearing husband then it’ll be hard to submit. But a Godly man makes sure that he leads his family to God through the hard times and good times. Submission is accepting your spouse and trusting his leadership. A good spouse will make sure to include you in decision making and let’s say he has to quickly decide without you, then he’ll always make sure it’s what’s best for the both of you because you trust him. Again, submission is godly to me.”
-Laurie M, 27
“Ok. So apparently I tend to be a dominant woman in relationships. When my bf met my mom, she told me “You can definitely tell you’re the dominant one.” However, I find that he tends to be submissive with certain things and vice versa. And It’s not that I try to be but a lot of times, I find that if I want things to go a certain way, then I have to take the lead so that tends to be my default. However, it gets tiring. I actually WANT to be submissive more often than not but I have to trust that you know how to take care of things and have the wisdom to make the best decisions on our behalf. Being submissive is not about being a servant and doing everything your partner says. For me, it’s about trusting your partner to lead. And hey, the dynamic may work oppositely for different people and they’re ok with it. As long as you and your partner communicate properly, do what works best for you! What I’m currently learning in my relationship is to not let my partner feel like I’m dominating all the time, but rather kind of pass it off to each other when appropriate. Make it a true partnership.”
- Samantha C, 28
“When people think of being submissive, they tend to think of being weak. The idea that wives should submit to their husbands comes off as minimizing the capabilities of a woman. On one hand, I refuse. But when you look at being submissive to someone who "earns" it, someone who wishes to take the lead for the better interest of you and them, someone who weighs your thoughts and opinions into their decision making, being submissive doesn't sound too bad. And submission shouldn't be one-sided. Men can be submissive to your women as well. Find the balance that works for you and your partner.”
- Jessica M, 30
“In my personal opinion, it’s easier to be submissive to a man who can lead. I’m speaking financially, spiritually and physically. I can lead myself so when someone (my husband) lead me and showed consistency it easier to fall in that sacred (cause niggas DONT deserve that) rhythm. Being submissive is reserved for men who know themselves. Men who can uphold you and himself... fall into that man & women dynamic we all subconsciously and unsubconsciously look forward to with women being genuinely submissive... if that makes sense.``
-Ashli
“Before I started seriously dating, the idea of “submitting” was a no for me. I don’t believe I fully understood the idea behind it, but I’ve grown to see a certain kind of beauty in allowing a Godly man to love and lead selflessly. To be honest, it’s extremely attractive. If both of us are committed to being in a position of submission to God, then the Father can use our partnership to do His will. I choose to believe God will orchestrate our lives in a way that doesn’t resemble dominance or superiority, but compassion and equality.”
~Briana D. 28
What are your thoughts on being submissive? I’d love to hear and also don’t be afraid to have these very open, very real conversations.
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